Funny Short Stories

 

• Silly Bob
• Mistaken Identity
• Funny Tale of a Lost
  Senior Citizen

Silly Bob

Dear Friends

It is important for men to
remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate
how I handle the situation.

When I got laid off from my consulting job and took ‘early retirement’
in March, it became necessary for Nadine to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health
benefits that we need.  It was shortly after she started working that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell; instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she
finally does get supper on the table. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her
several times each evening that they aren’t
cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed. Now that she is older, she seems to get tired
so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can’t
make another trip down those steps. I don’t
make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the
next evening, I am willing to overlook it.

Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday’s
or Saturday’s
poker club or to Tuesday’s
or Thursday’s

bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or
dusting.

Also, if I have a really good day of fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.

Nadine is starting to complain a little occasionally. For example, she will say
that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even
three days. That way she won’t
have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t
hurt her any, if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think
she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice,
big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can
talk with me until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nadine on a daily basis. I’m not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will
find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because
of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.

Signed Bob.

Bob’s
funeral was on Saturday, April 25th

Nadine was acquitted Monday, April 27th.

More Short Stories

Mistaken Identity

A short-sighted Croatian pensioner sparked a police manhunt when he mistakenly picked up
another boy instead of his grandson from a kindergarten. Luka Karlovic, 70, arrived at a kindergarten in Zagreb to pick up his five-year-old grandson Petar, but when an employee called for the boy to come and
meet his grandfather another Petar stepped forward, and Karlovic drove off with him.

The mistake was only realised half an hour later when the missing boy’s father turned up at the kindergarten to take
him home. Karlovic said, ‘My eyesight is getting a bit poor now and this was the first time I had seen my grandson for six months. I thought he looked a bit different, but I just put it down to the fact that
kids can change a lot at that age in a short space of time.’

Funny Tale of a Lost Senior Citizen

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park
bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He told me, ‘I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee.’

I continued, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’

He added, ‘She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite
biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest
of the afternoon.’

I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’

He said, ‘For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.’

I inquired, ‘Well then, why in the world would you be crying?’

He replied, ‘I can’t remember where I live.’

Old Flame?

Two elderly guests, Martin and Chris, attended a party given by a
business associate to mark his daughter’s engagement to a man she had been
living with for three years, were grumbling about the decline in moral
standards.

‘All these people sleeping together before they’re married,’ Martin
muttered indignantly. ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we were married.
Did you?’

‘I don’t know,’ answered Chris thoughtfully. ‘What was her maiden
name?’

Footnote:
Please send us your funny short stories.