The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another,
they get to keep the liberal party. - Clive Anderson.
If the word "No"
was removed from the English language, Ian Paisley would be speechless. -
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the
end. - Margaret Thatcher.
Harold Wilson is going around the country
stirring up apathy. - William Whitelaw.
I don't know what I would do
without Whitelaw. Everyone should have a Willy. - Margaret Thatcher.
difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell
into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out
again, that would be a calamity. - Benjamin Disraeli.
I have no interest
in sailing around the world. Not that there is any lack of requests for me
to do so. - Edward Heath.
The Labour Party's election manifesto is the
longest suicide note in history. - Greg Knight.
At every crisis the
Kaiser crumpled. In defeat he fled; in revolution he abdicated; in exile he
remarried. - Winston Churchill.
The British Secret Service was staffed at
one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB. -
Voting is carried out at designated polling stations which must be
accessible, identifiable and provide that all important privacy for
voters. They should also be the right size to meet the needs of the local
electorate and allow a queue of people to "flow" through.
Village halls and schools are obvious venues but in some places more
imaginative locations have to be utilised. Here are some of them:
The world's oldest football ground - Sandygate, home to Hallam Football
Club in Sheffield .
Other 'sporting venues' include cricket pavilions, rugby clubs, boxing
clubs, bowling clubs and even a table tennis centre in Middlesbrough.
Churches and their associated halls have been used for many years but
Christianity is far from the only religion whose buildings are put use as
Mosques, Hindu Temples, Synagogues, Buddhist Centres and Spiritualist
Centres are also used. (Divine inspiration an added bonus?)
Pubs and theatres are well represented too, as are museums. Maybe the
best name of any polling station is; Explosion! The Museum of Naval Fire
Power in Gosport!
Other unlikely places to cast your vote are a hairdressing salon, a
garage, the dining room of a cottage and a launderette.
the most unusual polling station of all could be your own car. In
exceptional cases - such as for those physically unable to get into the
specified venue - the polling station would come to them outside. A
spokesman said, "It is very, very unusual, but it does happen."
A famous world statesman wanted to be remembered so he
commissioned a special postage stamp which was to carry his picture. He
instructed his people to design it, stressing that it should be of
The stamps were duly released and he was
delighted. However, within a few days of release of the stamp, he began
hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and this made
him very annoyed.
He 'phoned the stamp makers and ordered them to
investigate the matter. They checked out the problem by visiting several
post offices, and then they reported back to the politician.
Their report said, 'There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp.
The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side.'
1) Jeremy, a tourist on
holiday from California, climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC.
He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, 'Excuse me, I'm going
to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into
'What?' the man huffed bad temperedly. 'Do you
realise that I am a member of the United States Senate?'
'Well no,' Jeremy uttered,
hadn't realised that. But listen, I'm really in a hurry so I'm going to have
to trust you anyway.'
2) Two political candidates were having a heated political debate.
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, 'What about the
powerful interest that controls you?'
The other guy yelled back,
'You leave my wife out of this.'
3) Prime Minister George Brown was seen going to Homewood Interiors, a
small furniture store. He was surrounded by his bodyguards, and everyone
immediately took notice of the unusual sight. They looked closer and they
saw who it was. Everyone was in awe.
Why would Prime Minister Brown
visit his small shop. Surely, they all asked each other, he should have his
minions do it for him.
Finally, one man plucked up enough courage and
asked the Prime Minister, 'What are you doing in this little store of ours?'
To which George replied, 'Oh, everyone keeps telling me that I should get
a new cabinet.'
Politicians Laugh at Themselves A former Labour Member of Parliament for
Consett in England named David Watkins has proved that he has a sense of
humour. His autobiography is aptly named: "Seventeen Years In Obscurity:
Memoirs from the Back Benches."