Pharmaceutical Advice - Keep Taking The Pills?
One morning, Arnie went to see his doctor and told him that he hadn't been
feeling at all well. The doctor examined Arnie, left the room, and came back
with three different bottles of pills.
Looking at Arnie he says, 'Take the
green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill
with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to
bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.'
Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered,
'L...........L.......L.........Lummee, Doc, exactly what is my problem?'
The doctor replied, 'Arnie, you're not drinking enough water.'
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A man went into a drug store in Baltimore, pulled a gun, announced a
robbery, and pulled a "Hefty-bag" face mask over his head. He then and
realised that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask. He was arrested by
Who To Trust? Doctor or
If you trust Google more than your doctor than maybe it's time to switch
Jadelr and Cristina Cordova
One day an Irishman called Seamus went into a pharmacy in Clonmel.
He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and
Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and
offered it to the chemist.
"Could you taste this for me, please?" Asked Seamus
The chemist took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth, swilled the liquid
around and swallowed it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Seamus.
"No, not at all," says the pharmacist.
"Oh that's a relief," says Seamus.
"Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon , are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way they pass a pharmacists. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
Pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol,
antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "In that case, we'd like to use this store for
our wedding presents list."
More Funny Pharmacy Advice
Sleeping Pills - Warning, may cause drowsiness.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone. On a box of
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle,
who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to
the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life
isn't for everyone'. - Larry Brown.
'Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell.'
these pills and if they don't work, give me a ring.'
See more funny medical quotes.
Did You Know?
Mickey Finn was a bartender who worked in Chicago, USA, around the turn
of the 19th century. He served drinks designed to 'knock' people out,
possibly containing *chloral hydrate, so that they could be robbed.
*A sedative and hypnotic drug
A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems at the Day
Centre coffee morning.
'Do you realise,' said one, 'My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this
'Yes, I know.' replied the second, 'My cataracts are so bad I can't see
to pour the coffee.'
'I can't turn my head,' rejoined the third, 'because of the arthritis in
'My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,' commented the fourth, adding, 'I
guess that's the price we pay for getting old.'
'Well, it's not all bad.' piped up the first, 'We should be thankful that
we can still drive.'
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