Funny Notices in Hotels

Here are a collection of funny notices that made our foreign holiday
one long laugh.  English is such a difficult language to learn, just the smallest mistake in a hotel notice can produce a hilarious joke.

• Funny Hotel Notices in the Lobby
• Funny Notices in the Bedroom
• Funny Notices in a the Bar
• Funny Holiday Notices in the Hotel Shop
• Funny Notices in the Hotel Grounds
• Bizarre Items Left in Hotel
  Rooms
• True Nightmare Holiday Stories
• Funny Holiday Story

Holiday at Tokyo Hotel

Funny Hotel Notices In The Lobby:

1. English well speaking.
2. We take your bags and send them in all direction.
3. In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
4. The
   elevator is being fixed for the next day.
   
   During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
5. In the lift:
   Do not enter the elevator backwards, and only when lit up.
6. To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
7. Customers are expected to complain at the office between the hours
   of 9 and 11 am daily.

Funny Notices In the Bedroom:

1. Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notice.
2. Please to bathe inside the tub.
3. Please leave your values at the front desk.
4. You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
5. Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it
   is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Funny Notices In a the
Bar:

1. Special cocktails: For the ladies
   with nuts.
2. Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
3. Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
4. Special today – no ice cream.

Funny Holiday Notices In the Hotel Shop

1. For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
2. If this is your first visit to Tokyo, you are welcome to it.
3. Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
4. Specialist in women and other diseases.
5. Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

Funny Notices In the Hotel Grounds

1. Stop. Drive sideways.
2. Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, please give it to the guard on duty.
3. A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
4. Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
5. Take one of our horse-driven tours – we guarantee
   no miscarriages.
6. Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Bizarre Items Left in Hotel Rooms

An international hotel chain has released information about the bizarre items
left in hotel rooms.  During 2009 this amounted to the value of some £750,000
[approx. $1,200,00USD].

Items included:

• A monk’s habit
• £3,000 [$5,000 USD] engagement ring
• A false eye
• An artificial leg
• A blow up sheep
• Several leather whips
• Several expensive leather jackets
• 8 posters of Jonathan Ross [a broadcaster in the UK]
• An inflatable sumo wrestler

Other hotel chains include the following in their ‘left behind’
lists:

• Mobile phone chargers
• Children’s playpen
• Pool and snooker cues
• Keys to a Ferrari
• A portable poker table
• A wedding dress
  
• A mini fridge filled with pickled asparagus
• A £2000 Rolex watch [approx.$3,000 USD]
• Several false teeth
• A case of cigars

True Nightmare Holiday Stories

Peter Allen and Rachel Burden asked their listeners to the Radio 5 live ‘Drive’ programme to send in the worst holiday beginnings that they had experienced. This followed
the horrific example of when a plane was flying with holiday makers to Egypt when it had to put down in Brindisi, Southern Italy as the pilot had found a note declaring that there was a bomb on board. This he
passed this information on to the passengers. An horrific start to their vacation.

These five other snippets were sent into the programme:

1. ‘I arrived in Cuba 2 hours before a hurricane.’
2. I spent 3 hours in a traffic jam on the M6 between junctions 15 and 16.’
3. ‘My girl friend of 3 years told me our relationship was over as we got off the plane in Barbados.’
4. ‘We were travelling to Toronto, Canada while all our luggage was sent to Toronto, Italy.’
5. ‘I set off from home to Gatwick on Wednesday morning and because of the appalling weather [snow, ice and blizzards] we didn’t fly to
   Belfast until Saturday afternoon. I returned home on Sunday. – some short break.’ [A true story that happened to Will’s daughter Hannah]

Vacations

Mr Bawler asked his class of 8 year old pupils where they had been for their summer vacations. Several children had been abroad and some had camped while others
had stayed in cottages, hotels or bed and breakfasts.

Samuel was particularly excited to recount how he had been away in a caravan and told the class that they had parked the caravan in a field near to an
entertainments club, a shop, shower rooms and several other caravans.  He recalled visiting a castle and described long days on a sandy beach.

‘Where did you go to find such a delightful place?’
enquired Mr
Bawler.

‘Self-catering, sir?’ Trumpeted Samuel proudly.

Funny Holiday Story

True Story: [ Both Guy and Will know this couple and they told their story to us when we were staying with them one time in Llanystumdwy, Gwynned,
Wales]

Tony was
attending a conference in London and staying at a very smart hotel. His wife, Jenny, travelled down to London from Birmingham on the Friday. She was to join Tony for the conference’s closing dinner/dance.

When she arrived, Tony was still in a meeting so she introduced herself to the receptionist and asked for the number of Mr Taylor’s room.

She was duly given the number and the key and she took the lift to
the 3rd floor. Jenny wanted to freshen up and be ready for Tony when he arrived back. She unpacked, popped her nightie under the bedcovers, showered and got ready for the evening.

Time passed and Jenny became
concerned that he hadn’t arrived back and she was worried as to whether they would make the dinner on time. By 8pm she rang reception to ask if Tony was in the bar; she was told that he had gone to his room
some 2 hours earlier.

‘What room?’ spluttered Jenny to the receptionist.

‘Room 101, on the first floor’, answered the girl politely.

‘But I’m in room 307,’ exploded Jenny in consternation.

‘Oh dear,’ said reception,’ that must be another Mr Taylor’s room!’

Jenny grabbed her belonging and dashed down to room 101. She forgot, of course, to remove her nightie. What a surprise for Mr Taylor [and
Mrs Taylor?] on returning to the room.

Example
of How The Meaning of Words Changes with Time

Footnote:
Please send us your funny notices in hotels.

No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.
Elbert Hubbard