Cut-backs hit for aircraft carriers. Government seeks alternative
Last week Alec Jones was home on leave, unfortunately he was barred from
Walmart shops in Jacksonville. As he entered the store a large man on the door greeted him by asking if he wanted decking.
Alec, luckily, got the
first punch in.
Funny Navy Pictures of Cut-backs
Matelots Not Thrilled With New Warship
Cut backs on the number of showers on naval ships means that sailors have to
take their daily wash in the sea
A Good Reason to Join The Navy
After he passed the enlistment physical examination, Alan, was asked by the doctor,
'Why do you want to join the Navy, son?'
'My father said it'd be a good idea, sir,' Alan murmured.
'Oh! And what does your father do?' Asked the good doctor.
'He's in the Army, sir.'
USA -v- Canada Navy Rivalry
Will and Guy wonder how your country's armed forces are fairing with their defence cuts? If
you know the answer, please send us your funny navy vehicles.
An Irreverent, Rude and Funny Look at the Modern Royal Navy
New British Destroyer
Will and Guy have found this Press Release on
the net written to coincide with the introduction of the new Type 45
Details have been released regarding Britain's introduction
of the next generation of fighting ships. The Royal Navy is proud of the
cutting edge capability of the fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Costing £750
million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in
addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the
ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health and
safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea
for several months and positively bristle with facilities. For instance, the
new user friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live
ammunition has been replaced with cheap paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone
getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress
councillors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have
its own on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and
women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on
race, gender, and disability. Sailors will only have to work a
maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health& Safety rules even in
wartime! All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all
come equipped with a maternity ward situated on the same deck as the Gay
Disco. Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be
allowed in the Officer's Wardroom.
has been abolished because it is elitist; it is to be replaced by the more
informal 'Hello Sailor'. All notices on boards will be printed in 37
different languages and Braille. Crew members will no longer be required to
ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, even the women. The MOD is
working on a new "Non-specific" flag based on the controversial British
Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the White Ensign is considered to
be offensive to minorities. The ship is due to be launched soon in a
ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will
break a petrol bomb over the hull. The ship will gently slide into the water
to the tune of "In the Navy" by the Village People played by the band of Her
Majesty's Royal Marines.
Sea Trials are expected to take place, when the
first of the new destroyers HMS Cautious, sets out on her maiden mission. It
will be escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to
ports on the south coast. The Prime Minister said that, 'While the ships
reflected the very latest of modern thinking they were also capable of being
up-graded to comply with any new legislation'. His final words were,
"Britain never, never, never waives the rules!"
Funny Army Pictures
See more funny pictures of the army
English Navy on Alert
The scenario: A boat tied up in Portsmouth dock. Out jumped lots of
men in suits - camera crews everywhere.
What do we see, but a deckhand on board his trawler mending nets. A man
in a suit is being filmed by the BBC news team: 'Excuse me, said the suit, I'm Doctor
Harwood* the minister for agriculture and fisheries, what are your views on the common market fisheries policies?'
Trawler man Evans: 'Ain't got none mate, but while you're 'ere can you 'ave a look at my piles!'
* Name changed to protect the guilty.
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