This emergency telephone can be found at Holkham Beach in Norfolk, England
Game Show Gaffes
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what '
is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Anne Robinson: In olden times,! what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's
the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
Famous People's Funny Gaffes
So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held
this year? Christina Aguilera
Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder
you are deaf: Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh in 1999, to young deaf people
in Cardiff, referring to a school's steel band.
If it has got four legs
and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an
aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat
it: Prince Philip at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting.
My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can
and we will never, never, surrender to what is right: Dan Quayle [former
Vice President USA]
Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give
you the signal: General Eisenhower Allied Commander Europe in 2nd World War.
If I could drop dead
right now, I'd be the happiest man alive: Samuel Goldwyn.
Student Gaffes and Blunders
Researched for Your Amusement by Will and Guy
Recently published in the British National Daily Newspapers we have found
that the brightest and cleverest folk in our country are prone to making
gaffes and blunders, particularly in their examinations. Here is a random
selection from this year's exam papers: In literature, a student from Bath Spa University wrote of Margaret
Atwood's book: The Handmaid's Tale shows how patriarchy treats women as
'escape goats.' A further gem follows when an economics student at
City University in London student who attributed Northern Rock's downfall to
the 'laxative enforcement policies'. A student at the University of
the West of England in Bristol astonished his tutor by spelling the subject
of one of his favourite topics wrong: 'alchol' instead of 'alcohol'. Another
wrote 'whom' instead of 'womb' in an anatomy paper, and one replaced the
word 'abdominal' with 'abominous'. A fellow undergraduate concerned
by the threat of diseases, wrote: 'Control of infectious diseases is very
important in case an academic breaks out.' Other examples come from
students at St Helens College of Art and Design near Liverpool, who were
asked to 'outline the importance of the four Noble Truths to the Buddhist
faith'. One offered the baffling response: 'Nirvana cannot be described
because there are no words in existence for doing so. Not non-existence
either, it is beyond the very ideas of existing and not existing.'
Students at the same university were asked to outline the importance of the
railway in 19th-century Britain. One wrote: 'The railways were invented to
bring the Irish from Dublin to Liverpool where they were promptly arrested
for being vagrants', while another responded: 'The railways were invented to
take the weight off the motorways.' My car got hit
by a submarine: written on an Insurance claim form. [The Navy informed the
wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base
to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slipway where the sub was
to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end
of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the
water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.]
Sporting Gaffes - Often Called Colemanballs
I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. Stuart Pearce [former
England soccer player]
Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot: Ray Wilkins [former
England soccer player] speaking on BBC1 TV.
For those of you watching in
black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip: John Motson - BBC TV
Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed
to hang in the air for even longer: David Acfield [former cricketer and TV
Other Types of Gaffes Include:
Spoonerisms - Transpose initial letters Lack of pies
(Pack of lies)
Our queer old dean (Dear old Queen) Malapropisms - Misuse or misplace a word He's a wolf in
Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel
(see above). Footnote: Please send us your funny gaffes.
See more pictures of funny road signs, featuring
cars and street notices