'Hot Wheels' and 'Matchbox' stocks are trading higher than General Motors.
Funny Economic Jokes
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the
tunnel has been turned off.
But: The Economy is Bouncing
The European Bailout Package
It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and
the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and
everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the
village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling
the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one
to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked
upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his
debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his
debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to
pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op
takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna. The
publican slips the money along to a salesman drinking at the bar, who has
also been facing hard times and has had to offer him goods on credit. The
salesman then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel
owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the
rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes
down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not
satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.
whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more
optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the European bailout package
Economic Crisis - U. S.
Treasury released the new US Dollar bill
Will and Guy take an alternative and funny look at the world economic
crisis. We are particularly interested in the new funny money, our
question is how come so much money has been lost without a bank robbery? Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the
run on Northern Rock and collapse of the Bradford and Bingley in the UK it
is clear that the uncertainty has now hit Japan and Ireland: Japan In the last seven days Origami Bank has
folded; Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut
some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will
likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended
after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank
is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report
that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that
staff may get a raw deal. Ireland The Allied Irish Bank has issued a credit
warning about Kellogg's, they are worried about the Harvest Crunch.
Christmas Dinner Pot Noodle Launched
Will and Guy will not be eating this type of food for their Christmas
lunch on the 25th December. We find it hard to believe that this product
really does exist - but here it is. We appreciate that many people will be cutting back this Christmas
because of the economic climate but perhaps the Pot Noeldle is going a step
too far. Its claim is that it's a special version of the student favourite
and at £1.10 GBP [$1.77 USD] it will fit most budgets. Manufacturer, Unilever said it is a "fusion of turkey and stuffing with
all the trimmings". Two pence from each sale will go to buy 'phone time for British troops
stationed abroad. Troops taste-tested the new recipe of their favoured home
comfort snack. Squadron Leader Stuart Balfour [Royal Air Force] told us, 'It
will help keep them in touch with loved ones at a really important time of
the year.' For this reason alone Will and Guy applaud the idea.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the
people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! See more scandals
Police Take Up a Collection
A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry
into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in
traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to
return their extravagant Pensions. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the
hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s
largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is
threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of
the shame of what he has done." "Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a
collection because we feel sorry for him." The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?" The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still
siphoning." Footnote: Funny Credit Crunch Jokes kindly sent in by
Cars in the Credit Crunch
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet.
More Funny Credit Crunch Jokes
Last week Guy talked to his bank manager. The manager, Mr Evans
said 'Guy from now on, I am going to concentrate on the big issues*. Today I saw Mr Evans outside Wal-Mart, and he sold me a copy! Footnote* The Big Issue is a UK magazine sold by the
Beware of Funny
Money in the Credit Crisis
One feature of recession is that we use humour as a safety valve,
hence the appeal of 'funny money jokes' in times of crisis.
Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential
cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay?
Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This
has insurance scam written all over it.
See more Iceland Ash Jokes
Because of the ongoing market turmoil several companies are merging in
order to survive
We bring you the results of these mergers:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush,
and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
3M and Goodyear will merge and become: MMMGood
FedEx is expected to join its competitor UPS to become: FedUP
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers
Clean Yet Funny Economic Jokes
The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys
people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. -
The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President
Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90's.
And then, the President admitted, he was still getting over his hangover
from the 80's. Conan O'Brien
'Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - Goodbye,' says
The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs
If we purchase a computer it will go to India
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan
If we purchase something useless it will go to Taiwan........whoops,
and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer and
cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the USA. Footnote:
Please send us your funny economic