Funny, story about the discovery of a new element

Investigators
at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).

This new element has no protons or
electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. A force called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons, holds these 312 particles together.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take
less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons,
and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample’s
mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as the ‘
Critical Mess.’

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