The internet has captured many strange, hilarious and plain funny signs
which are placed outside churches, primarily in the USA.
Here, Will and Guy have selected only a few of the best, cleverest and
funniest statements to show as photos; further on you will read our
favourite ten ridiculous and witty signs which will make you smile or even
Fear Not: Salvation is at Hand
Ten of The Best
Witty and Funny Church Signs
Notice in a church parking lot. Trespassers will be baptised.
If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?
Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily.
No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace.
Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
When the restaurant next to a chapel put out a big sign with
red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the chapel reciprocated with its
own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long
and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
In the dark? Follow the Son.
Baptist or Methodist : Coffee or Chocolate
Churches in America are the most diverse in the world, you even get a choice
of refreshment; we have their amusing Church signs.
America's Joyous Future?
Thanks to Kristen and Vanessa for the sign outside the Bethel Lutheran
Church, Willowick, Ohio
There Again, Don't Let Worries Kill You
Laws in Alabama
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that
causes laughter in church.
No person within the city may possess
Fact is always stranger than fiction, you could not make it up!
Thanks to Hazelle for sending these funny signs.
If you park here, you are liable to be prayed for.
See more funny parking
Funny Church Notices
Every time I look at this picture of a church sign it makes me think at a different level.
New Ways The Church Reaches Out to People
I Look at the Religious Message(s)
Two Funny Church Signs that Almost got Away
Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
Who Say's The Church is
More Examples of Church Signs
Check out the Great American Book of
Church Signs. It captures modern day faith on the road. Each
sign reflects the enthusiasm of the local Church. The book - and the
signs themselves - encourage us to live better lives.
Furthermore, Will and Guy
love the way each Church sign reminds us to laugh along life's journey.
Sign - "Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell"
Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a
younger priest, saying, 'You had a good idea to replace the first four pews
with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the
church always fills first now.'
Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, 'And you told me adding a
little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I
supported you when you brought in that rock 'n' roll gospel choir. Now our
services are consistently packed to the rafters.'
'Thank you, Father Brian,' answers the young priest. 'I am pleased that
you are open to the new ideas of youth.'
'All of these ideas have been well and good,' comments Father Brian
wisely. But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru
'But, Father Brian,' protests the young Father Karl, 'My confessions have
nearly doubled since I began that!'
'Indeed,' replies the elderly priest, 'And I appreciate that. But the
flashing neon sign, "Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell" cannot stay on the church
Church Service: A True Story
At a Methodist wedding ceremony at which Father Brian
Hamilton was officiating, he was seen to raise his hand in order to give the
final blessing at the end of the service.
Louise, the bride, totally
misunderstood this gesture and surprised the vicar with a high-five.
wanting to exclude Mark, the groom, Father Brian also offered him a
Father Brian was eventually able to give the blessing, this
time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.
Amusing, Witty, Jokey and Funny Church Signs from the UK
Statistics Don't Lie
How to stay safe in the world today: Where IS the safest place?
1. Avoid riding in automobiles - because they are responsible for 20%
of all fatal accidents.
2. Do not stay home - 17% of all accidents occur in the home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks - because 14% of all
accidents occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water - because 16% of all
accidents involve these forms of transportation.
5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in Hospitals - so,
above all else, avoid hospitals.
But . . . you will be pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths
occur in worship services in church, and these are usually related to
previous physical disorders.
Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any
given point in time is at church!
And Bible study is safe too! The percentage of deaths during
Bible study is even less.
So, attend church, and read your Bible. IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE!
GOD BLESS YOU!
[Kindly sent by Elena F.]
The End Is Near?
Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven
is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church, which is just across the
One day they join forces and are seen pounding a sign into the ground,
DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,
"Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."
"Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should
yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"
One More Funny Chapel Sign
Please send us your funny Church signs.
See more clean religious jokes and funny
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