Funny Christmas Quotes about Santa

Will and Guy have a funny quote for every occasion.  We are
confident that you will find 2 or 3 witty quotations for a Christmas
Day, Boxing Day or a New Year's Eve get-together.

• Funny Christmas
  Quotes About Santa
• General Hilarious
  Christmas Quotes
• Amusing Quotes
  from Christmas Movies
• Funny Snow Quotes and Sayings
• Inspirational Rather than Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes
About Santa

1. 'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a
   note on it saying, toys not included.'  Bernard
   Manning
2. 'I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took
   me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.'Shirley Temple
3. 'Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he
   wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to
   cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy
   isn't laundering illegal drug money?'
   Tom Armstrong
4. 'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a
   beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.  What's in that pipe that
   he's smoking?'
   Arlo Guthrie
5. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
   You do all the
   work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
   
   Anonymous
6. You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.Robert Paul
7. Who's the bane of Santa's life?
   The elf and safety officer.
   Catherine Tate
8. 'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.'  Victor Borge
   See more funny Santa quotes.

General Hilarious Christmas Quotes

Here are more festive sayings by the famous.

• 'The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity
  scene in Washington, D.C.  This wasn't for any religious reasons.
  T hey couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.'
  Jay Leno
• 'Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.  In the eyes
  of children, they are all 30 feet tall.'
  Larry Wilde
• 'Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!'
  Ogden
  Nash
• Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and
  adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what
  they want and their kids pay for it.
  Richard Lamm
• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never
  seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
• 'A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.'
  Anonymous
• The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right
  to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
  Benjamin
  Franklin
• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and
  his present remembered.
• What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it
  sooner.
  Colette
• Funny
  Thanksgiving Quotes

Amusing Quotes from Christmas
Movies

Here are some famous Christmas quotes from the movies.  As
usual, we have a mixture of happy and sad quotes.

1. Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?
   You know... the
   birth of Santa.
   Bart Simpson
2. Snowman: Did you hear about the church that
   burned down?
   Statler, Waldorf: Holy smoke!
   Muppets
3. Doris: Would you please tell her that you're
   not really Santa Claus, that there actually is no such person?
   Kris Kringle: Well, I hate to disagree with you,
   but not only is there such a person, but here I am to prove it.
   'Miracle on 34th Street' (A quote from one of the best Christmas movies)
4. Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets
   his wings.
   It's A Wonderful Life
5. Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you
   don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key
   lime disease.
   The Santa Clause
6. Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there
   weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to
   have a holiday season to emphasize it? Charlie Brown Christmas
   Movie Quote
7. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.

See more funny quotes.

Ten of the Best Christmas Movies

1. Christmas In Connecticut (1945) - Barbara Stanwyck
2. It's A Wonderful Life (1946) - Frank Capra [Best Christmas
   Movie]
3. Miracle On 34th Street (1947) - Kris Kringle
4. Scrooge (1951) - Alistair Sim
5. White Christmas (1954) - Bing Crosby Classic
6. A Charlie Brown Christmas
7. Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol
8. A Christmas Story (1883) - Bob Clark
9. Joyeux Noel (2005) - WW1 Football Game in the Trenches
10. Olive the Other Reindeer

Christmas Quotes: Angels

• Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly
  entertained angels.  Hebrews
• We are like children, who stand in need of masters to enlighten
  us and direct us; and God has provided for this, by appointing his
  angels to be our teachers and guides.  Saint Thomas Aquinas
  
• We shall find peace. We shall hear angels, we shall see the sky
  sparkling with diamonds.  Chekov
• These things I warmly wish for you: Someone to love, some work
  to do, A bit o' sun, a bit o' cheer, And a guardian angel always
  near.  Irish Blessing
• True friends are like angels. They are precious and rare, and
  false friends are like leaves, found everywhere.
• See more about Christmas
  angels.

Inspirational
Rather Than Funny Christmas Quotations

Here are delightful quotations to help us appreciate and reflect on
Christmas.

• 'There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are
  anniversaries.'
  W. J. Cameron
• 'Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.'
  Joan Mills
• 'Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold,
  everything is softer and more beautiful.'
  Norman
  Vincent Peale
• 'Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every
  day.'
  Helen Steiner Rice
• 'The best
  of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy
  family all wrapped up in each other.'
• 'I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and
  open a jar of it every month.'
  Harlan Miller
• 'Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't
  find it under a tree.'
  Charlotte Carpenter
• 'There has been only one Christmas - the rest are
  anniversaries.'
  W.J. Cameron.
• 'A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all,
  But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.'Eva K. Logue
• 'I heard the bells on Christmas Day
  Their old, familiar carols play,
  And wild and sweet the words repeat
  Of peace on earth, goodwill to men! - Longfellow
• 'I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.'Charles Dickens
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true
  meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.
  Norm
  Papernick
• 'He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.'Roy L. Smith.

More
Inspirational Quotes for Christmas

Please send us your favorite funny Christmas quotes.