Will and Guy have a funny quote for every occasion. We are
confident that you will find 2 or 3 witty quotations for a Christmas
Day, Boxing Day or a New Year's Eve get-together.
- Funny Christmas
Quotes About Santa
- General Hilarious
- Amusing Quotes
from Christmas Movies
- Funny Snow Quotes and Sayings
- Inspirational Rather than Funny Christmas Quotes
Funny Christmas Quotes
- 'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a
note on it saying, toys not included.' Bernard
- 'I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took
me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.'Shirley Temple
- 'Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he
wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to
cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy
isn't laundering illegal drug money?'
- 'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a
beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that
- Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the
work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
- You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.Robert Paul
- Who's the bane of Santa's life?
The elf and safety officer.
- 'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.' Victor Borge
See more funny Santa quotes.
General Hilarious Christmas Quotes
Here are more festive sayings by the famous.
- 'The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity
scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons.
T hey couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.'
- 'Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes
of children, they are all 30 feet tall.'
- 'Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!'
- Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and
adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what
they want and their kids pay for it.
- Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never
seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
- 'A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.'
- The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right
to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
- Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and
his present remembered.
- What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it
Amusing Quotes from Christmas
Here are some famous Christmas quotes from the movies. As
usual, we have a mixture of happy and sad quotes.
- Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?
You know... the
birth of Santa.
- Snowman: Did you hear about the church that
Statler, Waldorf: Holy smoke!
- Doris: Would you please tell her that you're
not really Santa Claus, that there actually is no such person?
Kris Kringle: Well, I hate to disagree with you,
but not only is there such a person, but here I am to prove it.
'Miracle on 34th Street' (A quote from one of the best Christmas movies)
- Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets
It's A Wonderful Life
- Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you
don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key
The Santa Clause
- Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there
weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to
have a holiday season to emphasize it? Charlie Brown Christmas
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
See more funny quotes.
Ten of the Best Christmas Movies
- Christmas In Connecticut (1945) - Barbara Stanwyck
- It's A Wonderful Life (1946) - Frank Capra [Best Christmas
- Miracle On 34th Street (1947) - Kris Kringle
- Scrooge (1951) - Alistair Sim
- White Christmas (1954) - Bing Crosby Classic
- A Charlie Brown Christmas
- Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol
- A Christmas Story (1883) - Bob Clark
- Joyeux Noel (2005) - WW1 Football Game in the Trenches
- Olive the Other Reindeer
Christmas Quotes: Angels
- Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly
entertained angels. Hebrews
- We are like children, who stand in need of masters to enlighten
us and direct us; and God has provided for this, by appointing his
angels to be our teachers and guides. Saint Thomas Aquinas
- We shall find peace. We shall hear angels, we shall see the sky
sparkling with diamonds. Chekov
- These things I warmly wish for you: Someone to love, some work
to do, A bit o' sun, a bit o' cheer, And a guardian angel always
near. Irish Blessing
- True friends are like angels. They are precious and rare, and
false friends are like leaves, found everywhere.
- See more about Christmas
Rather Than Funny Christmas Quotations
Here are delightful quotations to help us appreciate and reflect on
- 'There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are
W. J. Cameron
- 'Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.'
- 'Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold,
everything is softer and more beautiful.'
- 'Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every
Helen Steiner Rice
- 'The best
of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy
family all wrapped up in each other.'
- 'I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and
open a jar of it every month.'
- 'Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't
find it under a tree.'
- 'There has been only one Christmas - the rest are
- 'A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all,
But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.'Eva K. Logue
- 'I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, goodwill to men! - Longfellow
- 'I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.'Charles Dickens
- Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true
meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.
- 'He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.'Roy L. Smith.
Inspirational Quotes for Christmas
Please send us your favorite funny Christmas quotes.
See more clean Christmas jokes, yarns and funny gags:
∗ Funny Christmas jokes
∗ Funniest Christmas jokes
∗ Funny Christmas one-liners
∗ Funny advent calendar ∗
Best funny Christmas jokes ∗
∗ Funny Christmas stuff
∗ Christmas funnies ∗ Christmas Humour
∗ Christmas jokes for kids