Funny Christmas Stuff

Here is Will and Guy's assortment of amusing Christmas nick-nacks.

Christmas Party Stuff
Snow Prevents Getting to Work
Political Correctness - Even at Christmas
Father Christmas Stuff and Nonsense
Christmas Jokes for Adults

Contents

Christmas Party Stuff

How Many Days of Christmas?

Funny Christmas Singing Stuff

Sung
To the Tune of "Deck The Halls"

Deck the malls this Christmas season,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Blow your cash for no good reason,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Push
your charge card to its limit
fa la la, la la la, la la la
Your check
book now has nothing in it.
fa la la la la, la la la la.

After the Christmas Party...

What goes ho, ho, ho, bonk?
Santa Claus laughing his head off.

Political
Correctness - Even at Christmas

Who's the bane of Santa's life?
The elf and safety officer.
Catherine Tate

Two Feet Of Snow!

Snow Prevents Getting to Work
Next Day

Here is idea for an email to send from home to the boss.

Dear Boss

So sorry, but I cannot make it into the office today. When I opened my
front door I found 20 inches of snow on my door step. Here attached, is a photograph to show you that what I say is true.

Yours

Dosser McSciver

P.S. This is where Dosser was actually
staying:

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claus.

See more
Snow Pictures here

Father Christmas Stuff and
Nonsense

This Santa group demands swine flu vaccine priority. A group
representing Father Christmases: the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded
Santas, is calling for Santa Clauses in the USA to be placed on the priority
list for swine flu vaccine shots. Members of the Amalgamated Order of Real
Bearded Santas, including president Nicholas Trolli (bottom centre).

Swine flu has become such a concern for the U.S. Santa organisations that
the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas (AORBS) even featured a seminar
on the illness at a recent conference in Philadelphia.

Santa's - Bad Back

It Always Feels Good to Post That Christmas Card

See
more of Julian Beever's work

Funny Stuff From Christmas Crackers

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Are you kidding? It's
Christmas - he should run a mile. Stephen K Amos
Why did the atheist cross the road?
So he could see both sides.
Tom Wrigglesworth
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre ......
So
the barman gives her one. Meera Syal
How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
Three: the left ear, the
right ear, and the final front ear. Ben Miller
Who's the bane of Santa's life?
The elf and safety officer.
Catherine Tate
Never read a popup book about giraffes. Sean Lock
Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I
found myself dancing in a cheesy bar... Or, as you like to call it,
delicatessen.
Sean Hughes
Man: I'll have the steak and kiddley pie, please.
Waiter: I think
you mean steak and kidney?
Man: That's what I said, diddle I?
Alexander Armstrong
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his
soul to Santa. Steve Pemberton
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
Poker face. Shazia
Mirza
I've started dating this Jewish podiatrist.
I'm in love with her
footspa. Phil Nichol
What do you call a man who's been diagnosed with attention deficit
disorder?
These are good crackers, aren't they? Who bought
these? Chris Addison
How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa
claws! Dave Hill
What do you give a railway station master for Christmas?
Platform shoes. Will