We thought long and hard before creating this page of Christian jokes. What swayed us towards publishing these clean yarns, was the thought: 'Why should the devil have all the best jokes?'
- Young Priest Tries A New Religious Approach
- Miraculous Journeys
- Poor Sick Boy - Classic Christian Joke
- The Long And Short of Sunday Sermons
- Practical Religion
Miraculous JourneysTricky manoeuvre Mrs Marble, a Sunday School teacher was describing that when Lot's wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt, when little Percy interrupted. 'My mummy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced, 'and she turned into a telephone pole.'
Vicars Ride AgainA narrow escape The Reverend Douglas Johnston was not the best of drivers. One Sunday he was driving home from church when unfortunately, he had a minor bump with cyclist. The poor man was knocked off his bike into the ditch. The Vicar naturally stopped his car, got out and profusely apologised and gave the cyclist his calling card saying that if he could ever be of help, then the man should not hesitate to ask. As the man rode home he looked at the card which said, 'The Reverend Douglas Johnston is sorry he missed you today.'
The Highest PowerCarolyn Heap, another Sunday School teacher, said to her children, 'We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?' George blurted out, 'I know, Aces.' Footnote: It's amazing with humor how one joke reminds you of another ....
Evensong With a Funny TwistIt was an evening church service at St Mark's in the small quiet town of Orson, Maryland, USA, and old Deacon Carrick seemed to be sleeping as he occupied one of the back pews. In those bygone days, some of the cardinal sins were: chewing tobacco, drinking liquor and playing cards. The message had already been preached, and the reverend was winding up the service. He said in his usual tone, 'Deacon Garrick, will you lead in prayer?' But the old deacon was fast asleep. Then the reverend father said in a little louder and sterner voice, 'Deacon Garrick, will you lead in prayer?' But still the old fellow still did not respond. Finally, the vicar shouted, 'Deacon Garrick, will you lead?' This time, the old Deacon jolted awake, and, not realizing where he was blurted out, 'It's not my lead - I just dealt.'
Something Missing - Missing Something?Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn't aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake 'I'm sorry,' I told the manager, 'but there are no Christians here at St Mary's Church.'
Cowboy Relates To SermonOne Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, 'I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him.' So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, 'Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay.'
Long SermonBunny, a pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed Ralph get up and leave during the middle of his message. He returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards Bunny asked Ralph where he had gone. 'I went to get a haircut,' was the reply. 'But,' said Bunny the pastor, 'Why didn't you do that before the service?' 'Because,' Ralph said, 'I didn't need one then.'
Vicar Meets Congregation After the Sermon"I really liked that stuff you were saying about all of us being sinners and how we're damned for eternity."
A Prayer To Encourage A Fun AttitudeGod, give me sympathy and common sense, And help me home with courage high. God, give me calm and confidence And please - a twinkle in my eye.
MischiefAn exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jack, come in or stay out.'
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