Kids Jokes and Children’s Stories

Will and Guy's collection of jokes, one-liners and stories about children
and for children.

Children's Humour

  • Mary climbed on Dave's "Stagecoach" bus with seven kids.Funny Children's Pictures - Boy in buggy
    Dave asked her, 'Are these all yours, Missus? Or is it a picnic?'
    'They're all mine' Mary replied. 'And I can assure you that it's no
    picnic.'
  • One 11-year old wrote, "When my mother opened a tin of sardines
    last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
  • One day at school, Moira is talking to her best friend Tara.
    'Tara, have you heard the joke about the dustbin lorry?' [garbage
    truck]
    'No I haven't,' replies Tara.
    'Don't worry,' continues
    Moira, 'it's only a load of rubbish.'Children's humour
  • Louise, aged 11, was asked the difference between Madame and
    Mademoiselle in her French lesson at Mayville High School.
    'Monsieur.' Louise answered.
  • Jack, who was 9 years old, was asked in his Environmental
    Studies lesson at Wicor School, to write a short essay for homework
    on the effect of oil pollution.
    So Jack wrote: 'When my mum
    opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the
    sardines were dead.'
  • Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore. And that is what
    parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

Ten Short Funny Children's
JokesChildren - Expresso

  1. What flies through the jungle singing opera?
    The parrots of
    Penzance.
  2. 'Did you hear about the dog who went to a flea circus?'
    'No,
    what happened?'
    'He stole the show.'
  3. A cannibal caught a missionary in the jungle. He said to him,
    'What's the best way to eat you? Boiled or roasted?'
    The
    missionary said, 'To tell you the truth, I'm a friar.'
  4. How did Quasimodo know the end was near? He had a hunch.
  5. My brother came running in and said, 'Mum, there's a man outside
    with a broken arm called Brian.'
    My mum said, 'That's a funny
    name for a broken arm.'
  6. My mum was in hospital, and the doctor said, 'Listen, I want you
    to drink a Guinness after your bath every day.'
    My mum said, 'If
    I drink my bath I won't have room for a Guinness.'
  7. My brother said, 'I want a job as a human cannonball.' I said,
    'I'll bet you get fired.'
  8. What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus
    wrecks.
  9. Give me a sentence with the word "analyze" in it. My sister Anna
    lies in bed until nine o'clock.
  10. What did they award the man that invented the door knocker? The
    No-bell Prize.
Parent Children Humour

More Kids Stories

Fig Leaves

Bobby, nine, opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them.  Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up
and looked at it closely.  It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Hey, Mum, look what I've found!'
Bobby called out.  'What have you got there, dear?'
his mother asked.
Astonishment written all over his face, he answered: 'I think it's
Adam's
suit!'

Old Goat?  Funny Story Out of the Mouths of Children

The young couple invited their aged Vicar for Sunday lunch.  While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son, what they were having.

'Goat, 'the little
boy replied.

'Goat?'
replied the startled man of the cloth, 'Are you sure about that?'

Vicar - Old Goat

'Yep', said the youngster. 'I definitely heard Dad say to Mum, we might as well have the old goat for dinner today as
any other day.'

Butter would not melt in his mouth

Funny Children's Pictures - Boy in buggy

What could the kid do to cause his
father physical pain and embarrassment?

Funny Proverb - Savings

A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking.

'This is the scene', said the teacher.

'A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and
begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't
swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?'

A little girl raised her hand and asked, 'To
draw out all his savings?'

One-liners for Children

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead
ringer.

What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart

What runs around a cemetery but doesn't move?
A fence!

What do they teach at Witches school?
Spelling

Will and Guy's Philosophy on Funny Children's Jokes

We have stuck with our simple philosophy of collecting a mixture of clean, yet
funny jokes, interspersed with thought provoking pictures and the odd story.

See more of funny stories, pictures, amusing videos
and jokes about people


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