Funny Cat Stories, Pictures and Short Videos

Here is Will and Guy's collection of short tales featuring moggies, felines and kittens.Funny Cat Stories and Jokes

Amusing Cat Flush StoryFunny Cat Video

Funny Cat Flush - Story Behind The Story

The truth is that a cat in Santa Clara California really did discover how
to flush the toilet.  We know that the name of this cat is Gizmo and he
belongs to Nick and Scarlet.

Gismo was mesmerised by the toilet flush, and somehow discovered for
himself how to operate the lever.

Scarlet discovered Gismo's habit by accident.  One afternoon Scarlet
was as far as she knew, alone in the house.  Then the toilet flushed,
seemingly of its own accord.  When Scarlet discreetly investigated she
discovered that it was Gismo who was discharging the cistern.   Knowing that few would believe him, he taped a segment of the 'problem' for posterity.
See the cat flush

Cats and Dogs Getting Along Together

Mutt Adopts MoggiesDog adopts kittens

A female dog is nursing a litter of kittens which were orphaned when
their mother died.

Their owner, Cai, of Jiangmen, China said he has been raising cats and
dogs together for more than 10 years, and they all got along together well,
however, this was the first time he had ever seen kittens being nursed by a
dog Will and Guy have learned.

The four kittens seemed happy and content with their new mother's milk,
while the dog was tending to its adopted family with love and care. 'Several
days ago, the kittens' mother died after eating a poisoned rat, leaving
behind a litter of kittens without a source of milk,' Cai volunteered. 'The
kittens' cries may have stirred the dog's maternal nature, since it too had
recently given birth. It volunteered to take over and feed the kittens of
its old friend.'

The dog's own puppies had been taken away by one of its grown-up
offspring. Cai mused, 'That's perhaps another reason why the dog adopted the
kittens. She lost all of her own children.'

'Hi, My Name Is Brandy'

Hi my name is Brandy the cat

Cats Swimming - Just Being Cats

It is not strictly true to say that all cats dislike water, or more
accurately, swimming or bathing in water. Cat Swimming

Many of the big cats, for example tigers, lions, jaguars, ocelots, and jaguarondi [weasel cat] who
frequent hot climates are particularly partial to a dip in a pond, stream or
river.  Cats are natural swimmers in the wild, and Asian varieties have been
known to fish in rivers and lakes.  Cats bred near Lake Van in Turkey are raised
around the water; the breed [The Turkish Van] has an affinity for water, and
really likes to swim. An old breed, this cat has been a household pet for
centuries. Its water prowess is well known in Turkey, where they been known to
swim into the harbour to greet the arriving fishing boats.

However, cats from colder regions avoid water as much as possible. Snow
leopards, lynx, bobcats, and cougars for example have little interest in getting
wet. It has been said that if a cat has wet fur it can damage the ability of the
cat's fur to insulate the animal against the cold.

Most domestic cats, however, dislike getting wet. They do not enjoy water
sports and if bathed, become upset. The emphasis here is on most cats because
some domestic animals will tolerate water if they are accustomed to bathing or
showering.

Cat's Beware!

Cat's Eyes Removed

Violet's
Revenge - A Cat Story by Charlene Wexler

I began planning my next move, as this one wasn't working--even though
I stood with my shiny black fur on end across my arched back, my tail held
straight up, and my mouth open to show my long, sharp eye teeth.

The large, short-haired brown dog was not leaving. He still was
barking, jumping, and stretching his front paws across the bathroom sink
in an effort to attack me.
He panted constantly, exposing a mouth full
of his own sharp teeth, and a black tongue that hung out.

'I could reach out and claw his nose', I thought, 'but I might miss and
he could grab my paw, or I could hurt him a lot, and my human family would
be angry. I think I will try using my most fierce hiss, instead.'

Cat Jokes

I narrowed my eyes and closed my mouth slightly to produce an angry
"hisssssss!"

It didn't work. He jumped at me anyway. Good thing I backed off.

'How did I get myself into this spot?' I thought. I moved my eyes
around my surroundings, checking every which way. I was stuck on the top
of the sink with no place to jump--except down into his waiting jaws.

The room was small, but the door to my young human's bedroom was open.
'If only I could escape into that room.' The humongous paws on the dog
were getting closer to me with every one of his jumps.

'That's it--he gets it on the nose!' Quickly, I stretched out my right
black paw. With claws fully extended, I struck the dog's snout. Whimpering
like a puppy, he jumped down and slowly left the room.

'Good, he backed off. Now I must get out of here and hide fast before
he comes back.' With lightning speed I jumped down from the sink, and flew
through the door into the girl's bedroom, where there were bunk beds. I
quickly surveyed the distance between the floor and the top bunk, so I
would know exactly how high to jump.

Extending my body, up I went with no problem. I was a good jumper,
never missing my mark. I snuggled up on the top bunk, which was close to
the ceiling. I grabbed the small blue cotton blanket, inhaling the
fragrant odor of my young human friend, before tossing it around to feel
its soft, fluffy texture next to my body. I rubbed it under my chin in
order to leave my scent on it.

I perked up my ears, as my keen hearing detected the dog running back
into the adjacent bathroom. I crouched down low and put myself into silent
mode, while that trouble-making dog, with his battered nose, sniffed
around the sink and the floor.

I mentally grinned, knowing he had no idea where I had gone. And if he
should find out, he would have no way to reach me.

Time for a nap!

Footnotes:
Charlene Wexler's book 'Milk
and Oranges' is published by Amazon it's only $4.59.  It contains
the above story 'Violet's Revenge'.

Will and Guy appreciate being able to
publish this story from an author who knows how to craft words.
See more work by Charlene Wexler.

More Short Cat Stories

Lucky Saucer

In front of the local butcher's, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer.  The saucer, he realised with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.  It was, in
fact, a collector's
item.

He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat. 'He's
not for sale', said the butcher.

'Look', said the collector', that moggy is dirty and
scabby, but I'm an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten pounds'.  'It's
a deal', said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.

'For that amount of money I'm
sure you won't
mind throwing in the saucer', said the connoisseur', 'The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.'

'I can't
do that', said the butcher firmly, 'That's
my lucky saucer. From that saucer,
so far this week, I've sold 18 cats.'

See more funny
cat stories.

Funny Cat Stories for Kids

A Cat's
Diary
Cat's Diary

Day 84 of my captivity.

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were
walking almost succeeded.  Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair.  I must
try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.  They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was.  This is not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.  I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event.  However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called '
allergies.'  Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.  The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.  He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand,
has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move.  Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.

It's
only a matter
of time....

The Story
Behind Smokey the World's Loudest Cat

World's loudest cat

Smokey, a cat from Pitsford, Northampton, is the world's loudest cat.
She purrs at an astounding 92 decibels, nearly four times the volume of
your average cat.

Smokey's owners, Ruth and Mark Adams, are petitioning the Guinness Book
of World Records to formally recognize Smokey as the World's loudest cat.
So far, Smokey is unopposed, as the title is not held by any other cat;
that is, unless another extremely loud cat emerges to challenge Smokey.

A few other sounds that are around 92dB:

  • A traffic jam
  • 747 coming in for a landing
  • Train whistle
  • Tractor

Note that 90-95dB is the threshold beyond which prolonged exposure can
cause hearing loss. That is a very loud cat. Smokey is not quite as loud
as a motorcycle, but she's pretty close.

A Very British Cat

Larry - PM British Cat

'A Good Ratter' PM's spokesperson tells Will and Guy.

The four-year old tabby, called Larry, was at London's Battersea Dogs
and Cats Home before moving in to the UK Prime Minister's home.

The arrival follows weeks of speculation about potential pest control
measures after a large black rat was seen scuttling past No 10.

A Downing Street spokesman informed us that the former stray was a
'good ratter'.
Former Downing Street Cats Include :

  • 1920s - Rufus of England
  • 1930s and 1940s - Munich Mouser
  • 1970s - Wilberforce
  • 1989 to 1997 - Humphrey
  • 2007 - Sybil
  • 2011 - Larry

Short Cat Story
Cat Swimming

Will and Guy are able to bring you a cat which enjoys a dip
in the pool.

A cat in Australia is defying its species' famous dread of water by
taking regular dips in a swimming pool. This one, which has the unusual
name of Prinny, is a Persian cat and regularly joins canine friend Bandit,
the blue heeler, at the "Doggy Paddle Swim Centre" in Rosebud, Melbourne.

The paddling pooch has regular swimming sessions in order to help treat
a bad back. Prinny, however, has no such ailment and apparently takes to
the water simply for the fun of it.

Doggy Paddle owner Jacque Olsen told us, 'I've never seen a cat swim
before. Bandit came here with a bad back and his owner said the cat swims
with him at home, so Prinny hopped in the pool with him next time he
came.'
Jacque originally set up her unique swim centre, which boasts a
8m x 2m lap pool, for her Staffy cross ridgeback Ubud, whose back legs
became paralysed after he suffered an embolism. 'After six months of
swimming Ubud was walking again,' she said.

Today, the Doggy Paddle swim centre has 150 dogs on its books and, of
course, one cat.

One More Funny Cat Story

Cat Ordered to Do Jury ServiceCat Story

Tabby Sal, the cat, has been summoned to do jury service, despite the
fact that his owners told the court he was 'unable to speak and understand
English.' Will and Guy have learned.

Anna Esposito, wrote to Suffolk Superior Crown Court in Boston, USA, to
explain that a mistake had been made, but a jury commissioner replied
saying the cat, named Tabby Sal, 'must attend.'

Mrs Esposito had included a letter from her vet confirming that the cat
was 'a domestic short-haired neutered feline.' Tabby Sal had been entered
by Mrs Esposito under the "pets" section of the last census. "When they
ask him guilty or not guilty? What's he supposed to say - miaow?" She
said.

Research has shown Will and Guy that the US judicial system states that
jurors are 'not expected to speak perfect English.'

We surmise that it would be sufficient for Tabby Sal to answer, 'Miaow'
to all questions!