Free, clean jokes and funny stories that appeal to Guy’s sense of humour

Guy's Top 10 Jokes

Guy's Top 10 Jokes

I have an outrageous request, don't read more than 4 or 5 pages of jokes.  Have you noticed a curious effect, no matter how funny the jokes, eventually you get laughter over-dose and stop laughing?  For this reason, I have another request, take your laughter medicine in small doses, please return again tomorrow and read the rest of this section when you are fresh. Incidentally, another curious effect is that the one-liners which were less funny today, will seem funnier tomorrow.
  1. Witticisms - I just wish I could write these one liners.

  2. Courtroom Stories - The best of the courtroom genre.

  3. Uncle Jack's Suit - A family tale that I enjoyed writing.

  4. Schoolboy Howlers - A great source of jokes.

  5. Doctor Jokes - Amusing notes written by doctors.Clean yet funny train drivers tannoy messages

  6. Brighter Side of Life  - Jokes to help you see the best in life

  7. Lawyer Jokes - Poking fun at over-paid lawyers.

  8. Gassed Budgie - A true story.

  9. Things it took 50 years to learn  - Wisdom takes time.

  10. Funny Train Announcements - Tannoy messages allegedly spoken by London underground drivers.

Samples of Guy's Top 10 Jokes and one-liners

  1. I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

  2. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

  3. If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

  4. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

See our comedians section

Sample Jokes from the Courtroom

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at?

Crazy Aussie Driver

A drunk driver tried to avoid arrest by leaping into the back of his moving car during a chase in the Australian outback. Police in the Northern Territory town of Katherine were stunned when they realised the 24-year-old driver had abandoned the controls and jumped on to the back seat with his three passengers in an apparent attempt to fool officers. The runaway car continued for 150 metres at 25mph before police on foot ran it down and applied the brakes. Police said the driver panicked when they tried to pull him over for a random breath test.

Schoolboy Howlers

  1. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
  2. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.
  3. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio.  And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

Brighter Side of Life

  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  • 3The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The Specialist

'What kind of work do you do?' a woman passenger enquired of the man travelling in her train compartment. 'I'm a Naval surgeon,' he replies. 'My word!' spluttered the woman, 'How you doctors specialise these days.'

Van Gogh

I went down the pub last night and ran into Vincent Van Gogh at the bar. 'Hi Vince, how are you?' I'm fine thanks. You OK? 'Can't complain. Vincent, can I get you a drink? 'No thanks - I've got one ' ere!' I also have a section of Computer Jokes

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