Funny Football Bloopers

Thank goodness there is no censorship otherwise we would never have a constant
source of football bloopers.  Possible David Coleman and his Colemanballs are the most famous, nevertheless, we have trapped some great football bloopers.

• One Dozen of the
  Best Football Bloopers
• Another Dozen Funny
  Football Bloopers
• Amusing Quotes from
  Football Managers
• 
  Yet More Amusing Bloopers from Footballers and Their Managers

One
Dozen of the Best Football Bloopers

And now we have the formalities over, we'll have the National
Anthems.
Brian Moore

'We signed to play until the day we died.  And we did'
Jimmy Greaves, bemoaning players frequently change clubs.

The last player to score a hat-trick in a cup final was Stan Mortenson.
He even had a final named after him, the Matthews final.
Lawrie McMenemy

It's
now 4-3 to Oldham, the goals
are going in like dominoes.
Piccadilly Radio

I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in.
Terry Venables

It slid away from his left boot which was poised with the trigger cocked.
Barry Davies

We have been saying this, both pre-season and before the season
started.
Len Ashurst

But as you know, the result for City is not as bad as it sounds on paper.
Steve McIllwenn

Well actually we
got the winner up there with three minutes to go, but then they equalised.
Ian McNail

Ian Rush, deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't
one of them.
Peter Jones

It was a fair decision, the penalty, even though it was debatable whether
it was inside or outside the box.
Bobby Charlton

Believe it or not, goals can change a game.
Mike Channon

Another Dozen Funny Football Bloopers

Ian Rush unleashed his left foot and it hit the back of the net.
Mike England

You'll be
hoping that this run of injuries will stop earlier than it started.
Andrew Gidley

Ian Durant has grown both physically and metaphorically in the close season.
Jock Wallace

It will be a shame if either
side lose, and that applies to both sides.
Jock Brown

Peter Shilton conceded five, you don't
get many
of those to the dozen.
Des Lynam

Everything in our favour was against us
Danny Blanchflower

I think everyone in the stadium went home happy, except all those people in Rumania.
Ron Greenwood

Butcher goes forward as Ipswich throw their last trump card into the fire.
Byron Butler

John Lyall, very much a claret and blue man, from his stocking feet to his hair.
Peter Jones

Who ever wins today will win the championship no matter who wins.
Denis Law

The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time.
David Coleman

See more Colemanballs

Amusing Quotes from Football
Managers

Ivor Powell
Ivor a Welshman, who successfully managed Bradford City and Carlisle allegedly uttered these words after a good season on the field, 'Without doubt, one of
the secrets of our successful season was the harmonium in the dressing room.'

After a celebratory dinner he was heard to say, 'We had a lovely meal. Lovely. We had a big steak with all the tarnishings.'

Ron Saunders
Big
Ron, of Aston Villa and Birmingham fame, when asked about unrest in the dressing room and behind the scenes supposedly replied, 'Allegations are all very well but I would like to know who these
alligators are.'

When asked to explain how a 2-0 lead became a 3-2 defeat Saunders uttered the immortal words, 'As I see it, if you're going to commit suicide, you don't do it yourself.'

Dick Duckworth
Dick Duckworth
spoke to John Sadler in 1962 to say how pleased he was with Scunthorpe's side. He commented, 'I think I have the best side I've ever had now. We've a nice blend of old 'uns and youngsters. I think I've got the
mucus of a good team.'

[all these quotes come from John Sadler, the respected sports journalist's article in the Guardian newspaper 14.08.2007]

Will and Guy's Marvellously Funny Football Howlers

• For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the yellow
  strip.  John Motson, BBC Commentator
• It's now 1-1,
  an exact reversal of the score line on Saturday.  BBC Radio 5 Live
  
• Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you're 80-20 sure of winning it.
  Ian Darke,
  Commentator
• Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a
  badly cut forehead. Tom Perrie, Commentator
• It's headed away by
  John Clark, using his head.  Derek Rae, Commentator
• Celtic manager
  Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.  John Greig, Football
  Analyst
• Forest have now lost six matches without winning. David
  Coleman, BBC Sports Journalist.
• That was only a yard away from being
  an inch-perfect pass.  Murdo Macleod.
• Xavier, who looks just like
  Zeus, not that I have any idea what Zeus looks like...?  Alan Green, BBC
  Football Commentator
• I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the
  field at the end of the game - one's already been sent off.  Jimmy Greaves
• Hearts are now playing with a
  five-man back four.  Alan McInally
• Andy Ritchie has now scored 11
  goals, exactly double the number he scored last season.  Alan Parry, Football
  Commentator
• Scotland don't have to score tonight, but they do have
  to win.  Billy McNeill, Football Pundit
• He's got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee.  Frank Stapleton,
  Pundit
• If that had gone in it would have been a goal.  David
  Coleman
• I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know
  what day it is!  Steve Mclaren
• If you are in the six-yard box,
  standing in an offside position, then you are offside.  Steve Bruce

Yet
More Amusing Bloopers from Footballers and Their Managers

Portsmouth are at Huddersfield, which is always away.
Jimmy Greaves

Bryan Robson, well, he does what he does and his future is in
the future.
Ron Greenwood

Wayne Clarke, one of the famous Clarke family, and he's
one of them, of course.
Brian Moore

It's
a Renaissance, or put more simply, some you win, some you lose.
Des Lynam

Football is a game of skill, we kicked them a bit and they kicked us a bit.
Graham Roberts

£5.3 million is a large loaf to be throwing away before a ball's
been kicked.
Jimmy Greaves

So that's
1-0, sounds like the score at Boundary Park where of course it's
2-2.
Jack Wainwright

I do want to
play the long ball and I do not want to play the short ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about.
Bobby Robson

Interviewer: In your new book, Pat, You've devoted a whole chapter to
Jimmy Greaves
Pat Jennings: Yes that's
right, well what can you say about Jimmy?

I am a firm believer that if you score one goal the other team have to score two to win.
Howard Wilkinson

Here's
Brian
Flynn. His official height is five feet five and he doesn't
look much taller than that.

Hodge scored for Forest after
only 22 seconds, totally against the run of play.
Peter Lorenzo

We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day.
Bobby Gould

Well we got nine and you can't
score more than
that.
Bobby Robson

Don't
tell those coming in now the result of that fantastic match. Now let's
have another look at Italy's
winning goal.
David Coleman

Wilkins sends an inch perfect pass to no one in particular.
Byron Butler

Even when you're dead you shouldn't
lie down and let yourself be buried.
Gordon Lee

And Ritchie has now scored
11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season.
Alan Parry

I don't
know if that result's
enough to lift Birmingham off the bottom of the table, although it'll certainly take them above
Sunderland.
Mike Ingham

Footnote:
Please send us
your funny football bloopers.