Extra Funny Jokes

 

Dog Ice-creamIce-cream for dogs

Will and Guy thought that dog ice-cream was just another shaggy dog story; we should have known better, there are numerous real products for this growing market.  Another example of role reversal where the pets control their owners? Doggy treats Yoghund We assumed from the name 'Yoghund' that this peanut butter and frozen yogurt came from Germany, but no, it's sold in pet stores in 23 states in the USA.  There is also a product called Polar Pups, a cool treat made with soy milk.  Fact is stranger than fiction. Panting Peanut Mutter A company called Wagg Foods in Yorkshire, England have developed a doggy treat made from frozen yoghurt, Panting Peanut Mutter, Oaty Pawfection and Chase Your Tail Cheesecake. And hidden in the ice cream are dog biscuits. Tom Page, at Wagg Foods, said: "Brits are well known for being a nation of dog lovers - with their pets often becoming one of the family. "Because of this we often treat them the same as our kids, although the titbits we give them aren't always healthy or safe for dogs. "We wanted to develop a dog-friendly icy treat which owners could feel confident would help cool down their pet and still be healthy - meaning dog and owner could both enjoy everyone's favourite summer pleasure together." Nicola Purcell, whose dog Lawrence was one of the first to try the ice cream, said: "I love ice cream and Lawrence will always pester me and ask to lick out the tub; he won't stop until he gets his way." See more of our Funny Shaggy Dog Stories

Funny, Amusing and True Folly StoriesFunny Folly eyecatcher

Jack the Treacle Eater - Funny Folly House One story heard by Will and Guy is that of "Jack the Treacle Eater".  The legend tells us that Jack was a local runner whose role was to carry messages for the Messiter family of Barwick Park, to London and back; we were told that he trained on treacle, to keep him going and hence his name. Now, his commemorative tower can be found in Barwick Park, Somerset, England.  Does the picture to the right remind you of a man with huge thighs?  Or can you imagine those stones in the garden folly to be the messages? See lots more Funny Folly houses here

Lightning and Trees

Detailed and recent research on lightning deaths has led us to want publicise the results: which trees [if at all] you might stand under in the event of a thunderstorm? Lightning Strikes Tree Advice
  1. It is extremely dangerous to stand under any tree during a thunderstorm.
  2. It is even more dangerous to stand under an oak than any other kind of tree.
  3. The next most risky trees to stand under are poplars and Scots pines.
  4. If you are determined be a complete maniac and stand under a tree during a lightning strike, but don't actually want to die, head for a beech. They are ten times less likely to be hit than oaks.
  5. According to the very few studies done, you are also much less likely to be hit by lightning under a sycamore, hawthorn or holly tree.

Stairway to Heaven

Stairway to heaven Amazing Staircases See more on our amazing staircases

Hilarious and Very Funny Drunk Driver Test Funny drink drive sign

Paul, an accomplished juggler was driving to his next performance in Baltimore when he is stopped by the Highway patrol. 'What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?' enquires the cop. 'I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act,' announces Paul amiably. 'Oh yeah?' says the doubtful cop. 'Let's see you do it then.' Sighing, Paul the juggler climbs out of his motor and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. 'Wow,' says the driver to his wife. 'I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now.'
An Irishman goes to his dentist and gets all his teeth taken out. When he returned home he said, 'Never again'.

Funny Pub Names

We think these are good pub names, if Will and Guy were to open a new hostelry, this would be our short list of pub names:
  • Devil's Punchbowl
  • The Elusive Camel
  • The Hung Drawn And Quartered
  • The Fawcett Inn
  • Dirty Nelly's
  • The Hairy Lemon
  • The Three-Legged Mare [locally known as The Wonky Donkey]
  • The Hog In The Pound
  • Pig and Whistle
  • The Roaring Donkey
  • Spread Eagle
  • Dirty Dick's
  • Filthy Mc Nasty's
See more funny pub names

Ten Funny and Strange Ideas about LuckBad luck - funny stories

  1. He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good. - Russian proverb
  2. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Stephen Wright
  3. It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth story window on Friday. - American Proverb
  4. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. - Patrick Murray
  5. Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? Of course, why would Friday be an exception? - Anon
  6. If a funeral car passes you should hide your thumb. - Japanese belief
  7. A black cat crossing the street in front of you causes bad luck.
  8. A rabbit's foot, a four-clover leaf, or a horseshoe, may ward off bad luck to the owner.
  9. Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  10. Luck never made a man wise. - Seneca
See more about bad luck - if you dare!

Funny Swine Flu Pictures and Jokes

Pig flu flag We appreciate that swine flu is a serious problem and that people who contract the virus may die. However, throughout history, catastrophes have been resolutely faced by using humour.  We feel that these "jokes" fit that construct. We hope you agree.

Funny Shorts Heard by Will and Guy About Swine Flu

  • Swine flu is spread by capitalist pigs
  • Swine Fever is a song by Piggy Lee
  • I had a bad day yesterday, I made a pig's ear of everything I tried
  • I think I have the swine flu. I have the sudden urge to eat bacon
  • I think I have swine flu: I've broken out in rashers
  • Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though
  • Will there be a mass outbreak of Human/Avian Swine flu? When pigs fly...
  • For a normal flu, we say "achoo", but for swine flu we say "achoink"
Funny Pictures. Swine Flu

The Swine Flu Virus in Perspective

Any flu virus provides a serious threat, especially to the very old and the very young.  While the swine flu is not MORE virulent than previous strains of influenza, our problem is that of May 2009 scientists have not had time to produce a vaccine.  As a result the virus can spread more quickly than with 'normal' strains, this is why the swine flu is referred to as pandemic - world-wide. It is instructive to review the Spanish flu of 1918.  In countries such as USA and UK about 25% of the population were INFECTED.  Of those infected approximately 3% died.  While the percentages are much lower than I would have guessed, nevertheless the flu caused a huge number of actual fatalities, in the USA alone there were 500,000.  Naturally these statistics don't take into account the misery suffered by those who survived the virus, both for themselves and caring for sick relatives.
See more of our swine flu humour

'Waiter - There's a Fly in My Champagne'Fly in my ChampagneWaiter: There is a fly in my champagne

A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.
  • The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass
  • The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass
  • The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne
  • The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all
  • The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne
  • The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese
  • The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass
  • The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish
  • The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
  • The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation
  • The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'

Credit Crunch Jokes

Credit Crunch Jokes

Credit Crunch One Liners

  • The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet.  The car's been repossessed.
  • A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the credit crunch. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.
  • How do you define an optimist? A bank manager who irons 5 shirts on Sunday night.
  • A man went to his bank manager and said, 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
  • What's the difference between an investment banker and a pizza Margherita?  A pizza Margherita can feed a family of five.
See more Credit Crunch Humour

See more good clean jokes and funny pictures:

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