Anne Robinson: Which Indian leader, whose last name began with 'G'
took the title Mahatma?
Contestant: Geronimo (Correct Answer)
Which of the Marx Brothers remained silent throughout the movies?
Contestant: Karl (Correct Answer)
Anne Robinson: Who was the only prisoner of Spandau Prison between 1966 and 1987?
Contestant: The Birdman of Alcatraz. (Correct Answer)
Family Fortunes with Les Dennis
Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
Name a type of fork not used for eating. Guy Fawkes.
Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
What is Hitler's
first name? Heil
Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.
A sign of the Zodiac? April
Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep
Something you put on walls? A roof
Something slippery? A conman
A kind of ache? A fillet of fish
Chris Searle, BBC Bristol - More Dumb Contestant Jokes
Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Searle: In case you did not hear me say European, I can let you try again.
Contestant: Mexico? (Correct Answer)
Game Show Gaffes
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what '
is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Anne Robinson: In olden times,! what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's
the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
Funny, Hilarious and
Dumb Questions asked
on the TV and Radio
Jon Snow: In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't
Expert: Er, yes. [UK. Channel 4 News]
Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different
names. - Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3
Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about
it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and
getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily. - Louise
Wener in Q Magazine
Listener: My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg
fell off at the altar on my wedding day.
Simon Fanshawe: How awful!
Do you still have an artificial leg? - UK. Talk Radio
Interviewer: So did you see which train crashed into which train
15-year-old: No, they both ran into each other at the same
time. - BBC Radio 4 News
Presenter [to palaeontologist]: So what would happen if you mated
the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?
Expert: Well in the same
way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of
Presenter: So it'd be like some sort of hairy
Expert: Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks.
From the Phil Wood Show on local BBC radio:
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Wood: Ha,ha,ha,ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Who killed Cock Robin?
Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin
Contestant: I did not know that he was dead.
Full poem as sung by my mother:
'Who killed Cock Robin?'
I, 'said the Sparrow, 'With my bow and arrow, I killed Cock Robin.'
Who saw him die? 'I' said the Fly, 'With my little eye, I saw him die.'
Who caught his blood? 'I' said the Fish, 'With my little dish, I caught his blood.' Who'll make the shroud? 'I' said the Beetle,
'With my thread and needle, I'll make the shroud.'
Who'll dig his grave? 'I' said the Owl, 'With my pick and shovel, I'll dig his grave.'
Who'll be the parson? 'I' said the Rook, 'With my little book, I'll be the parson.'
Who'll be the clerk? 'I' said the Lark, 'If it's not in the dark, I'll be the clerk.'
Who'll carry the link? 'I' said the Linnet, 'I'll fetch it in a minute, I'll carry the link.'
Who'll be chief mourner? 'I' said the Dove, 'I mourn for my love, I'll be
Who'll carry the coffin? 'I' said the Kite, 'If it's not through the night, I'll carry the coffin.'
Who'll bear the pall?' We, 'said the Wren, 'Both the cock and the hen, we'll bear the pall.'
Who'll sing a psalm? 'I' said the Thrush, 'As she sat on a bush, I'll sing a psalm.'
Who'll toll the bell? 'I' said the bull, 'Because I can pull, I'll toll the
All the birds of the air fell a-sighing and a-sobbing,
When they heard the bell toll for poor Cock Robin.
Posh and Becks - The Replay
Posh Spice and David Beckham are sitting in front of the Television watching the six O'
clock news. The headline feature is a man who is threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge onto the busy A4
Posh turns to Beckham and says '
Dave, I bet you £5000 that he jumps.'
He replies '
The pair shake on it and continue watching the commotion on the TV, sure enough, the man jumps
and hits the road below with a loud thud.
Beckham takes £5000 out of his pocket and gives it to Posh.
take that from you Dave' she says. I was cheating. I saw the Five O'
clock News earlier so I
Knew what was going to happen. I can't
accept that money.'
Beckham replies, 'No Babe'.
The money is yours fair and square. I was cheating too. I just didn't
think he would do it again.'
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