Will and Guy's Selection of Doctor JokesAllan, a mechanic, was removing a cylinder head from a Harley-Davidson motorbike, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his garage. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. Allan shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc can I ask you a question?' The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to Allan. Allan straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix 'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?' The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered in Allan's ear, 'Try doing it with the engine running.'
- Doctor Jokes - One-liners
- What Sort of Medicine is Practiced here?
- Doctor's Advice
- Crazy Logic - Classic Doctor Joke
- Keep taking the pills?
- An Alternative Medical Dictionary
- Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation
- Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery
It is amazing what the medical profession will write. These are actual statements taken from medical interview records written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists, and (we are afraid) a doctor or two at major hospitals.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid
An Alternative Medical Dictionary: Kindly Submitted by Nigel Morris
- Artery The study of paintings
- Barium What Doctors do when patients die
- Caesarean Section A neighbourhood in Rome
- Cauterize Made eye contact with her
- Colic A sheep dog
- D&C Where Washington is
- Dilate To live long
- Enema Not a friend
- Fibula A small lie
- Genital Not a Jew
- Impotent Distinguished, well known
- Labour Pain Getting hurt at work
- Morbid A higher offer
- Nitrates Cheaper than day rates
- Node Was aware of
- Outpatient A person who has fainted
- Post-Operative Letter carrier
- Recovery Room Place to do upholstery
- Seizure Roman Emperor
- Tablet Small table
- Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport
- Urine Opposite of ' you're out'