Dementia Jokes and Humour
Dementia Humour
Will and Guy have not and would never set out to make jokes at the
expense of dementia sufferers. Some of our own relations have had
problems with their memories, but have been able to smile at these jokes.
Dementia Jokes
Thoughts About Age
I’m 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if
there were 15 months in every year, I’d be only 48.
That’s the trouble with
us. We number everything. Take women for example. I think
they deserve more than 12 years between 28 and 40. James Thurber
Problems of Growing Older
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.
One said,
‘Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while
standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need
to put it away, or start making a sandwich.’
The second lady chimed in
with, ‘Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t
remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.’
The third one
responded, ‘ Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem. Touch wood,’
as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, ‘That must be the
door, I’ll get it.’
Problem with My Car
An elderly lady called, Jane, calls 911 on her cell phone to report that
her car has been broken into.
Jane is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher, ‘And
they’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the
accelerator.’
The dispatcher answers coolly, ‘Stay calm. An officer is on the way.’
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. ‘Disregard,’ he says, ‘She
got in the back-seat by mistake.’
You couldn’t just get reading glasses?
Dementia Humour
Will and Guy can relate to dementia humour because they too have ‘senior’
moments. We also feel that British men of a certain age are a hardy
bunch, they don’t seem to get as offended as easily as other nationalities,
and especially as younger people. Our point is that the people, like
us, will either laugh along with this style of dementia humour, or just
ignore it.
Good and Bad News
Doctor Ryan tells his patient, Muriel, ‘Well I have good news and bad
news…’
Muriel responds, ‘Tell me Doc. What’s the bad news?’
You have
Alzheimer’s disease.’
‘Good heavens!’ exclaims Muriel, ‘ So, what’s the good news?’
‘You can
go home and forget about it.’ Says Dr Ryan.
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as
sharp as it used to be.
Senior Moment
Betty is aged 94 and she is angry and so she ‘phones the newspaper office
in Manchester, loudly demanding to know where her Sunday edition was.
‘Ma’am,’ said the employee, ‘today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not
delivered until Sunday.’ There was a long pause on the other end of the
phone, followed by a ray of recognition from Betty. ‘I’ll bet that’s why no
one was in church today too.’
Try this Test for
Dementia – Quickly
Here is a test that Will found to test and amuse your friends.
All
Have a go at this & see how you do!!!Will
Test for Dementia 
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t
take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let’s
find out just how clever you really are.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in now?
Write down your answer.
Second Question:
To answer the second question, don’t
take as much time as you took for the first question.
If you overtake the last person,
then you are…?
Third Question:
Mary’s
father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the
name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: (Nunu?)
Fourth Question:
Very tricky math ! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now
add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
(For what it’s
worth, Guy did not like this Question)
Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s
teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there
is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Footnote:
Please send us your dementia jokes and
old-age humour.
Test for Dementia Answers
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t
take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let’s
find out
just how clever you really are.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw
up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don’t
take as much time as you took for the first question.
If you overtake the
last person, then you are…?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
you’re not very good
at this! Are you?
Mary’s
father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth
daughter?
Answer: Nunu?
NO! Of course not.
Her name is
Mary. Read the question again
Fourth Question:
Very tricky math ! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer.
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don’t
believe it? Check with
your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who
wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing one’s
teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy
a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answer
The blind person just has to open his mouth and ask, it’s so simple!