Conference pears are calling their friends: Comice, Bartlett, Rocha, Bosc,
Seckle and Anjou.
Tomato Swims for His Life
It is a good job Tom wasn't swimming in raisins or sultanas, because they are
bigger and stronger than the currants.
Leek in the Bath
Please send Will and Guy your corny pictures.
Funny Visit to the Car Dealer: Another Will and Guy Corny Joke
One day, Monica, an elderly woman was walking along the Warburton Street,
coming home from the local supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed
'Nathan Hale's Used Cars', she got an idea that she could drive herself to
the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. So,
Monica walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the
owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
'Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do
with hate or anger. The owner replies, 'Well, let's see. Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury. We
have a couple on the lot. What colour would you prefer? Monica has considerable trouble explaining the exact colour to him, so
she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the
shucks and says, 'I want this colour, Sonny.' To which Nathan replies, 'Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in that
colour. Could I show you a nice blue one?' 'No son, I want this colour,' Monica insists fiercely. 'But ma'am, they didn't make that colour,' sighs Nathan, 'Maybe a cherry
red one would suit you?' He was obviously becoming worried about losing the
sale. By this time, Monica has lost her temper and starts throwing things at
the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of
the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the
disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about. The secretary replies amiably, 'Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise
as a man's head.
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a
few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a
Laurence J. Peter
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
Corniest Joke I've Seen in a Long Time
Footnote Please send us your corny pictures and corny