Assorted computer Tech Support jokes

Will and Guy bring you the most bizarre tech support stories from
computer, phone and related technical supprot help lines.

• DECT* Phone Helpdesk
• Best Tech Support Jokes From BT,
  HP and Dell
• Indian Technical Support
• 
  SolarWinds Call Detail Record Tracker Review

DECT* Phone Helpdesk

I got a call from Austria one day.

The caller said, "hello. My train doesn't work."
I said, "excuse me?"

"My model train. It's stopped working."
"This is the Helpdesk for
telephones," I said. "I think you've got the wrong number."
"Oh no, it's
the right number. You see I've been using your phone as a remote control to
move my trains round the tracks and it worked fine until yesterday!"

I had to answer him with a straight face. I said, "I'm sorry sir but we
do not receive training in how to power model trains with DECT* phones so
I'm afraid I can't help you there."

* DECT is brand of phone used in Europe.  Thanks to Shelley Hall for
this report.

Best Tech Support Jokes - As Reported by
Advisors at BT, HP and Dell.

1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't
fit!'

2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.

3) Great Vision
3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the '
OK'
button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.

3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?

3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is
your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?

4) No Saving Grace
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'

Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you
first saved them in?'

Customer: 'No, I don't
. I just know it was on my C: drive.'

Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'

Customer: 'I wouldn't
think I would be losing
files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'

5) Tricky Install
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'

Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
Customer: 'Yes.'

Tech Support: 'All right, can you
insert the disk in the disk drive please?'

Customer: 'How?'

Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'

Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before
we can do this'

Tech Support: 'Um yes, that might be an idea.'

6) Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'
Customer: 'How do I get them back when
she is not in?'

7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of
your software and data?'

Customer: 'I didn't
know it had a reverse.'

Customer:
My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?

9) Customer:
My mouse mat isn't wired up.
Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?

10) Customer: How do I change channel on my
monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.

Tech Support Story Board

Indian Technical Support

Earl hasn't had much luck getting his computer fixed by calling tech
support.  But he has picked up Hindi as a second language.

Footnote:
P.S. Please send us your favourite Tech
Support Joke - like these sent by readers:

• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
  bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
  bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.  Rick
  Cook
• A co-worker was trying to get an obviously novice user to press the
  space bar. "Yes, press the space bar. The big key at the bottom of the
  keyboard." After a pause the client replied "young man, there's nothing
  on the BOTTOM of this keyboard!"  Dean Chamberlain

Tech Support Problem - Hindu Holiday!

Tech Support Calls for DECT
Phones

Hi,
My name is Shelley Hall.
I have been working at a callcentre
in Belgium for over 6 years now so I have one or two stories to tell.

One of the products we are a Helpdesk for is Dect telephones.

I got a call from a woman who had bought one the day before.
"It
doesn't work" she told me.
"And you bought it yesterday?" I asked.

"Yes" she said.
"Did you put the batteries in?" I asked
"Yes, but
it still doesn't work."
"And did you charge it?"

"Yes" she said, "overnight."
"Is it plugged into the telephone line?"
I asked.
"No."

"Is it plugged into the mains, electrical socket?"
"No?"

"Why not?" I asked
"What for? It says wireless on the box. I don't
need wires!"

Hard to believe, I know but it's true! This conversation really did take
place.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny Tech Support
story.