Funny computer one-liners

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

• Computer One-liners
• Funny Computer Error
  Messages
• How to Start the
  Day and Feel Really Good
• Short Computer Jokes
• Computer Practical Jokes

Computer One-liners

• Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, 'I'm looking
  for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics; you know, something
  really challenging.''Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'
• 'Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things
  they make it easier to do don't
  need to be done.'
  Andy Rooney
• Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
  
  Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
• Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your
  software and data?'
  Customer: 'I didn't know it had
  a reverse.'

Funny Computer Error Messages

• 'Known issue' - It's just the solution that is unknown.
• Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
• Hold down the Numb Lock.  Now phone 555-1212-4590 and ask for
  Lulu.
• Path not found.  Try the grass shortcut.
• Kennel stack overflow problem.  Your new Patch is now available.Call at the vet and collect your dog.
• See more funny computer error
  messages.

Keyboard Out of Control!

Press any key, except the control!

Funny File Extension Linked to
Occupations:

.bin =
Trash collector
.dic = Private eye
.fav = Boot licker
.gem =
Jeweller
.ico = Office pin-up
.mam = Midwife
.mapi = Planning officer
.png =
Table Tennis Champion
.pub = Alcoholic
.rat = Spy
.snd = Disk Jockey
.sys = Sister
.tiff = Marriage guidance counsellor
.wav =
Cheerleader
.wiz = Magician

See more funny file extensions
here.

How to
Start the Day and Feel Really Good

• Open a new file on your computer.
• Entitle it 'Housework.'
• Place it in the Recycle Bin.
• Empty the Recycle Bin.
• Your computer will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'
• Answer 'Yes'
  and click the left mouse button firmly.
• Now you feel much better.

Short Computer Jokes

Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire
to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he replied, 'I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Secret

While my next door neighbour, Ian, was tapping away on his home computer,
his seven year old son, Nathan, sneaked up behind him.

Then Nathan turned and ran downstairs into the kitchen, bellowing to the
rest of the family, 'I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!

''What is it?' Mia, his elder sister asked gently but eagerly.

Proudly Nathan shouted, 'It's asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk,
asterisk.'

Crucial

When he was at Queen's University, Belfast, Northern Ireland, Kevin
took a part time job as a computer technician dealing with most problems by
telephone. One day he received a call.

The caller told Kevin that her computer was not working. She described
the problem and he concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and
serviced.

Kevin told her to unplug the power cord and bring it to him in the office
and he would fix it.

About fifteen minutes later she showed up at Kevin's door with the power
cord in her hand.

Computer Practical Jokes

These are sneaky computer jokes that techies with too much time on their
hands play on their co-workers, typically on April Fool's Day.

• Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
• Variation of this idea.  Unplug the original mouse.  Plug
  in a fake mouse.  When they check the connection it seems to be
  working.  One from Dr Devious.
• Alter someone's Word Autocorrect.
  Launch Word for Windows.Find 'Proofing settings'.  Make changes to AutoCorrect, e.g.
  a to
  ye.
  I to you.
• On someone else's machine press set High Contrast mode
  Press:
  Shift + ALT + PrintScreen.
  Note 1: You need
  Shift and not Ctrl.  Also use the Left Alt and not the right.
  Note 2: To Undo press the same combination: Shift + ALT
  + Printscreen.
  Note 3: Learn from this madness by
  checking out the Ease of access settings in Control Panel.
• Variation, turn on Narrator and drive the computer user mad.
  Control Panel --> Ease of access.
• You could edit the host file entry to direct google.com to a different site.
  [You need some technical expertise to edit:C: \Windows\System32\drivers\etc ]
• Cuckcoo
  clock - Install this computer joke application.

Footnote:
Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny
computer on-liners.