I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
The scientific study of fingerprints is called dermatoglyphics, a word which has the distinction of being the longest in English with no
repeated letters. The only other such word is uncopyrightable. Gelatology is the scientific study of laughter.
More Clever Wise One-liners
A boiled egg is hard to beat.A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead the dough basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Many a Funny Word - Spoken in Jest
The longest word in the English language. According to folk-lore Antidisestablishmentarianism is the longest word in the dictionary, it means being against separating church and state.However, floccinaucinihilipilification, a word found in the Oxford English dictionary since 1800, is one letter longer.
Strange but true, this word means estimating that something is worthless!While the Oxford English Dictionary has even longer words such as pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, these are compound technical words and many people discount them.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'
We think that "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order. Let us know if we are wrong!
The word "listen " contains the same letters as the word "silent".
The longest place-name still in use is
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenuakitanatahu, a New Zealand hill.
Los Angeles's full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'
The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'
The longest common word that you can type with just the left hand is probably 'Stewardesses', however there is the obscure but longer: 'Aftercataracts'. With the right hand the longest word is Phyllophyllin. (Lolypop comes close, but as Groucho Marx would say: 'no cigar')
To 'testify' was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.'
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing
Onomatopoeia is where a word's sound imitates its meaning. For example, achoo, boing, moo, and whoosh.
The word 'Checkmate' in chess comes from the Persian phrase 'Shah Mat,' which means 'the king is dead'.
There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein' the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'
Green's : -dous Word Endings
Will and Guy could only find four words in the English language
which end in '-dous' tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and
hazardous. However, Ken Green found ten words that we had overlooked: