Contents
Here is Will and Guy's collection of the Christmas jokes especially selected to appeal to children.
- Christmas Riddles
- Children's Christmas Cracker Jokes
- Funny Kids Christmas Stories
- Christmas Jokes for Grown Ups
- Funniest Christmas Jokes
- More Christmas Jokes For Kids
Christmas Riddles
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite. - What type of candle burns longer?
None, they all burn shorter! - What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze?
Crisp Kringle. - What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has No L (Noel). - What do you get if you team Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues!
7 Children's Christmas Cracker Jokes
Funny how these riddles also make adults smile!
Q. How do Snowman travel around?
A. By riding an icicle.
Q. Where do Snow-women like to dance?
A. At Snowballs.
Q. Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
A. Because they're the only ones who know where they itch.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low 'elf' esteem.
Q: What's red and white and black all over?
A: Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney.
Q. Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
A. Because he couldn't concentrate.
Q. Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas:
A. No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.
Child Says a Prayer for the Christmas Meal
Lee, A seven-year-old boy, was asked to say thanks for the Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. Lee
began his prayer, thanking God for his Mommy, Daddy, brothers, sister, Grandma, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas pudding, even the cranberry sauce. Then Lee paused, and everyone waited ... and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, 'If I thank God for the Brussels sprouts, won't he know that I'm lying?'
Another Batch of Really Funny Christmas Jokes For Kids
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
Why doesn't Santa suffer from claustrophobia when climbs down the chimney?
Because has had his flue jab.
What did Cinderella say when the chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come. (Prince)
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do lions sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
Snippet for the Adults!
Oh, quit your W(h)ining, they are just pressing their luck. Grape times are yet to be harvested, so they say on the grapevine.
Christmas Crackers
Will and Guy Suspect British Law is Crackers. The 1875 Explosives Act, currently in force in the UK, apparently considers
Christmas crackers to be covered by this archaic law. This means that an 'explosive' cracker cannot be sold to minors.
This law was shown up to be so stupid when 22 year old student, Heather Walsh, attempted to buy a box of 10, for Christmas Day in her
local Marks and Spencer's in York, England. Asked if she was over 16 years old Miss Walsh, who has an University degree was told the
'crackers were classed as explosives', Will and Guy have learned. She was told by staff that they were 'protecting me by not selling me them
and they suggested that if I was left alone with the crackers I couldn't be trusted and might blow myself up.'
You couldn't make it up, and we think that this law is definitely CRACKERS.
What A Boy Wants For Christmas
Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll buy it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.'
Father Christmas Calls
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Christmas.'
A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason.
'What's the matter, Al?' I asked.
'Ummmm', replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas'.
Footnote: Punishment for boys who no longer believe in Father Christmas. They get clothes for Christmas.
Santa Claus Conundrum
The 3 stages of man:
1) He believes in Santa Claus.
2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3) He IS Santa Claus!
Here Are More Jokes From Our Christmas Website for Children
Out of the Mouths... Christmas Story
Daniel aged 4, returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story.
He had learned all about the wise men from the east who brought gifts to the baby Jesus.
Daniel was so excited he just had to tell his parents, 'I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas. There wasn't
a Santa Claus way back then, so these three blokes on camels had to deliver all the toys. And Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big light in the sky to find their way around'.
Funny Xmas Riddles For Children. Classic Conundrums Each and Every One
What Will and Guy find is that we cringe at 12 out of these 15 Christmas kids jokes - but smile at the other 3.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
- What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
- She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- The man who fell into an upholstery factory is now fully recovered.
- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
- Every calendar's days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
- Peter aged 7. 'Angels don't eat much, but they drink a lot of milk from Holy Cows.'
Footnote: Please send us your Christmas jokes for kids.