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Who Would Have Children?
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. -Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. -Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis Diller
An educational psychologist is asked to see a pupil who draws all his pictures with black and brown crayons. He talks to him. Nothing obvious. He gives him projective tests. Nothing shows up. Finally, in desperation, he gives him some paper and a box of crayons. 'Oh goody, 'says the boy, 'I get an old box of crayons in school and only the black and brown were left.'
What Don't You Know?
Teacher: Ricky, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?
Ricky: What do you think it is, sir? Teacher: I don't think, Ricky, I KNOW!
Ricky: I don't think I know either, sir.
Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
Stand-up And Be Counted
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'