Many of these jokes can be spun out to make a funny story; as so often with a good yarn, all you need is the seed of an idea.
- 1 Learn to Read the Signs
- 2 Star Struck
- 3 Two Bad One-liners
- 4 An American Visits Australia
- 5 More Bad Jokes
- 6 Funny Tale of a Lost Senior Citizen
- 7 Well Bad Graveyard Story
- 8 Out of Order?
- 9 Something Missing?
- 10 Silly Joke
- 11 Joke of the Day Email
- 12 Thought of the Day Subscription
- 13 See more collections of hilarious jokes, one-liners and tall stories:
Two Bad One-linersBoy - Can I buy you a drink? Girl - Actually I'd rather have the money. Boy - Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. Girl - Okay, get out.
Well Bad Graveyard Story
Norman Hammond was visiting the cemetery near Chester in England and he couldn't help noticing a man kneeling in front of a gravestone, clasping his hands and sobbing. Norman went a bit closer and could hear what the man was saying. 'Why did you have to die?' he was repeating, Why did you have to die?' Feeling he ought to do something to alleviate the man's obvious distress Norman laid his hand on the his shoulder saying gently, 'Was it someone you loved very much?' The man looked up at him and said, 'No, I never met him, he was my wife's first husband.'
Out of Order?While in the queue to withdraw cash from the 'hole in the wall' [ATM] I was asked by an old lady if I would check her balance. So I pushed her over!
Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station in Wigan, Lancashire, along with her next-door neighbour, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. Vicky described him clearly and in detail, 'He is 35 years old, 6ft 4inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children. Pauline interrupts her protesting, 'Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is horrid to your children. Vicky replied, with a sigh, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman set up in business as furniture removal men. On their first job when the householder saw the Englishman and the Scotsman struggling to carry a wardrobe upstairs, she asked them, 'Where is the Irishman?' 'Oh, he's in the wardrobe stopping the wire coat-hangers from rattling.'
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